NBW Presents New Year’s Eve Pro Wrestling
Live from in the Epic II - St. Louis, MO
While the majority of 2017 saw No Brand Wrestling travel abroad to bring its brand of entertainment, they could never forget home where it all began - The Lou. St. Louis, MO was host to a SPECTACULAR four-hour extravaganza riding right into the New Year! Sponsored by nbW partner Hulu, nbW General Manager Jack Harmen, his personal assistant Richie Keal and Victory GM Trent McKnight welcomed a rowdy crowd to the show!
Harmen, Keal and McKnight each said a few words and kept their intros brief since we would be getting right to the action tonight! Tonight would be host to a series of tag team matches made up of a combination of established teams, friends, stables and a few random draws for Harmen’s own amusement… er, for the amusement of the fans.
But anywho… the winners of each tag team match would move on to the main event to compete in a twenty-man gauntlet-style battle royale. The winner of that match would have a major accolate presented to them. Keal removed the sheet off of the item in the ring to reveal...
THIS YEAR’S WAR MEMORIAL CUP TROPHY!
The crowd gave a HUGE ovation and a huge “WAR!” chant broke out for the late nbW Hall of Famer when the trophy was unveiled! McKnight said they knew how successful last year’s tournament was and with its success propelling last year’s winner, Ohiyama, to great heights, they were looking to see who would be the next person in line to be this years WAR Memorial Cup Trophy winner. With that said, the rules were laid out for the fans:
--Ten tag team matches, each 15:00 time limit
--If the match ends in a draw, all parties will be eliminated from contention for the Battle Royale
--The winners of each match would qualify for the main event
--The main event would be 25 To Life Rules!
--Two competitors will start with another one entering each minute
--Competitors are eliminated when they are thrown over the top rope and both feet hit the floor
--The last person standing becomes the 2017 WAR Memorial Cup winner!
The Battle Royale would kick off at the start of the New Year!
With those announcements made, it was time to get to the matches!
The Drunk Tank (Jonny Bedlam and Jimmy Houlihan) vs. The Xiang Dynasty (The Great Wall and Ai Tso w/Xiang)
The first of the tag team matches kicked off with the in-ring debut of “The Boston Cowboy” Jimmy Houlihan! The crowd gave a great welcome to he and his partner, the rising star Jonny Bedlam! Their opponents, not so much as The Great Wall and Ai Tso were both looking to make it to the end of the night and end The Great Wall’s stellar 2017 by becoming the next WAR Memorial Cup winner…
...But The Drunk Tank weren’t going to let that happen so easily! They fought fast and furious by double-teaming The Great Wall to eliminate him from the ring so they could bust up Ai Tso with plethora of attacks. A couple of early nearfalls gave The Drunk Tank control until a distraction from Xiang allowed Ai Tso to drop Bedlam with his Rolling Gutwrench Suplexes.
The crowd wanted Jimmy in the ring as The Xiang Dynasty took turns taking on Bedlam. Bedlam had the crowd in the palm of his hand and when he got the hot tag, Houlihan was a runaway train on Ai Tso! He clobbered him with The Rowdy Howdy (Harsh Corner Lariat) for a near fall! The Great Wall took him to task with a Chokeslam, but Jonny Bedlam took his leg out from under him. Both men powered him over the top rope and then finished Ai Tso with the Bethlehem Royal Hospital (Butterfly Kick) for the SHOCKING upset to start the show!
WINNER: The Drunk Tank @ 8:41 (Bedlam over Ai Tso with BRH)
“The Monster of the Mid-South” Warren Spade and “Gorgeous” Martin Gamby vs. El Viss and Erick Davies
The next match was the first slight mismatch of the night. Former nbW World Champion Warren Spade teamed up with another newcomer, “Gorgeous” Martin Gamby - 6’9” and 465 pounds of the self-professed Most Voluptuous Man In Professional Wrestling! His attitude and cockiness rubbed Spade the wrong way, but he used to be like that once - he would work together with his fellow big man against their opposition.
The masked musician El Viss tried to sing a song about how Warren Spade lost the nbW World Title only to get creamed with The Old Size 22 at the start! (Thrust Kick) The seven-foot Warren Spade took El Viss to task with chops in the corner and any time “Deadly” Erick Davies tried to intervene, he got shellacked with Headbutts and even a Mid-South Spike (Final Cut) at one point!
Towards the end, Martin Gamby tagged himself in when Warren was gearing up for The Trample (Spear). Instead, The Pristine Love Machine showed off his own power and mowed right through both El Viss with a big Powerslam and then Davies with The Love Train! (Running Corner Splash) That led to his finisher on BOTH men, The Love Boat (Big Splash), pinning both men single-handedly for the victory! Spade was impressed with his talent, but not the newcomer’s attitude.
WINNER: Warren Spade and “Gorgeous” Martin Gamby @ 3:20 (Gamby over both El Viss and Erick Davies with The Love Boat)
Big Rick Strongbern and “The First” Freddie Rich vs. Donny Rich and Ri-Khan Strongbern
The war between Dynasty Tag Team Champions Clan Strongbern and The Rich Family had heated up with Todd Rich stole a victory from Little Ricky Strongbern on the last Slam of the year… and to make matters worse, there were two matches tonight pitting a mix of both sides against one another! Team alphas Big Rick Strongbern and Freddie Rich were taking on their group’s respective pet and beta male, Ri-Khan Strongbern and Donny Rich!
...But that match never got underway!
Only five seconds into the match, Freddie Rich CRACKED his own partner with Freddie’s Nightmare! (Sick Kick). Following that, Donny Rich quickly laid flat on the mat and before Ri-Khan knew what was going on, he and Donny were eliminated! :O
The fix was in and thanks to Donny Rich’s willingness to lay down for his family member and Rich Family leader, “The First” was heading to the finals! Both Riches left the ring before Ri-Khan could do anything other than check on Big Rick. An angered Big Rick was going to the finals, but one could tell this wasn’t how he wanted to do it.
WINNER: Big Rick Strongbern and “The First” Freddie Rich @ 0:09 seconds (Freddie over Donny via Donny being a punkass bitch)
The In Crowd (“Big Talk” Jake Tockwell and “Hot Sauce” Raul Ramirez w/Sally Renolds and The Law) vs. Yuma Wakaba and Richie Keal
Perhaps there was no more of a mismatch than The In Crowd, but the crowd ROOTED big-time for young nbW upstart Yuma Wakaba and… RICHIE KEAL!
Tockwell and the in-ring debut of “Hot Sauce” went as one might expect… them NOT taking Richie or Yuma seriously while Big Talk’s girl Sally and The Law watched on.This kept on for the first minute as Tockwell bullied Yuma with power moves and then wailed on him. When Hot Sauce tagged in, he bullied Wakaba as well. But a dive went wrong and Wakaba landed The Mechanical Wave (Aries-style Suicide Dive) to a huge pop!
Keal made the tag and the crowd went crazy for a while! He even landed the Pumpkin Latte Press (Springboard Crossbody) for a near fall! But when he tried to lock in his Guillotine Choke called The Grinder, Tockwell had enough and clocked him with The Gift of Gab (Lariat) behind the official’s back! That allowed Hot Sauce to connect with The Scoville Scale (diving DDT)! That led to the three-count for The In Crowd!
WINNER: The In Crowd @ 3:25 (Ramirez over Keal with Scoville Scale)
Little Ricky Strongbern and Todd Rich vs. Declan Rich and Rik Bonebreaker-Strongbern
In another huge mixed match, Little Ricky Strongbern and Rik Bonebreaker-Strongbern would be on opposite ends of the ring, as would Todd and Declan Rich as their respective partners. And sure enough, it looked like Declan and Todd were going to try a fast one again, but the crowd cheered when Little Ricky and Rik pulled them away from each other and gave them the boot from the ring!
The crowd then cheered for both Little Ricky and Rik and their big in-ring HOSSFITE!!! The two exchanged shoulder blocks, fists and an assortment of power moves including Little Ricky hitting the Little Crossbody (Running Crossbody) for a nearfall! Rik answered back with the Crush Rush (Running Powerslam) for one of his own when Todd broke up the fall!
That led to Todd and Declan getting into it with Rik! Declan with a Codebreaker on his own partner, Rik, followed up by a Jumping DDT from Todd got a good nearfall! Todd tried his knucks that he used to defeat Little Ricky on 102, but Little Ricky cracked his own partner with The Littlest Big Boot (Running Big Boot)! Rik headbutted Declan and led that right into the Whirling Strongbern (Spinning Fireman's Carry into Air Raid Crash) for the win!
Even though Little Ricky and Rik got a measure of revenge for what happened earlier in the night, it would be Big Rick, Little Ricky, Freddie and Todd Rich in the battle royal tonight which guaranteed their issue was far from over!
WINNER: Little Ricky Strongbern and Todd Rich @9:33 (Whirling Strongbern)
With half the field now realized, fans were allowed to catch their breath with a quick break!
TEN MINUTE INTERMISSION
nbW World Heavyweight Champion Brock Newbludd and “Coach” Davey La Rue vs. nbW Keystone Champion Alex Reyn and “Mr. Manx” Charlie Birkin
Following the intermission, the next match featured none other than… the nbW World Heavyweight Champ Brock Newbludd! He would team with his best friend, cult fave and the coach of Team Newbludd, Davey La Rue to take on nbW Keystone Champion Alex Reyn,fresh off recent injury and the young upstart “Mr. Manx” Charlie Birkin!
Brock started with Birkin and the two men took to the mat with the champ taking an early advantage, getting a couple pin attempts to fluster nbW’s only resident of the Isle of Man. Davey got the tag and took it to him with a Spinning Body Slam followed by Rolling Rock (Somersault Senton) for a nearfall!
The entire time, Alex only stood on the apron watching his partner get taken to task before he decided to drop down and sneak attack the champ by pulling him off the apron and throwing him into the steel steps!
After that, Reyn took charge and he and Birkin reluctantly took turns wailing on Davey for a few minutes. Brock recovered minutes later and after Birkin missed a Missile Dropkick, Davey dropped him with the Jack and Coke-Slam! Thr tag was made to Brock and Alex!
The highlight of the night so far was the World Heavyweight and Keystone champs laying into one another! They kept on fighting with neither man getting the advantage for too long, even reversing each other’s finishers, the Mother of all Suplexes and the East Wind Cutter!
When it looked like Alex may have had a chance following a Tornado DDT, Birkin greedily tagged in and hit the Isle Driver (Tiger Driver) on Brock for a near fall! The rookie made a massive mistake trying again because while he and Alex argued, Davey tagged in and he and Brock finished Birkin off with a Superkick from Brock into Davey La Rue’s AMF (Running Air Raid Crash) for the win in a GREAT match!
After Davey and Brock left to celebrate their victory, Alex BLASTED Birkin with the East Wind Cutter! Knowing how vicious he could be, security IMMEDIATELY moved in. Reyn took his title and left.
WINNER: Brock Newbludd and Davey La Rue @ 11:04 (Davey over Birkin with AMF v2)
Spike Saunders and Son of Malta vs. nbW Blitzkrieg Champion and 2016 WAR Memorial Cup winner Ohiyama and “Big Kid” Chris Smith
The second match after the intermission featured the face of NBW, the immortal Spike Saunders teaming up with his newfound ally, hall of famer Son of Malta. The two legends faced off against the volatile pairing of current Blitzkrieg Champion and inaugural WAR Cup winner, Ohiyama and the man who was gunning for his belt, newcomer Chris Smith.
After each team’s entrance to the ring, SoM insisted to start the match and there was no doubt that he wanted more than anything to take home the trophy named after his fallen mentor. Across the ring, Ohiyama and Smith looked like they would come to blows before the match even began! Luckily, referee Chuck Radford was able to diffuse the situation quickly by threatening to DQ them if they didn’t get the match started. While Smith didn’t seem to concerned about that happening, the always competitive Ohiyama obliged the ref and stepped out onto the apron, no doubt wanting to repeat his success from last year.
So, it was Son of Malta and the ‘Big Kid’ who started the match, and the second after the bell rung Smith got the jump on SoM by nailing him with a running STO! But, the veteran immediately taught Smith a lesson by locking him into the Maltese Cross! Luck was on Smith’s side though as he was able to hang a foot on the closest bottom rope to break the hold before too much damage was done.
From there the two men fought an even contest with Malta’s pure fighting skills matching Smith’s size and power. Frustrated with the cagey vet’s ability to evade his homerun swings, Chris took the low road literally by hitting Malta with a low blow out of the ref’s line of sight and followed it up by attempting his deadly Vertical Side Suplex Slam, School’s Out!
But, once again Malta showed his ringsmanship by escaping out of at the last second to lunge at Saunders for a successful tag! The crowd roared in anticipation as the near 400lb. Smith was about to lock horns with the biggest man in NBW. Then, he thoroughly disappointed them by tagging in Ohiyama with a slap on the chest!
Shaking his head at Smith, Ohiyama stepped into the ring and as he did he made sure to call out his partner’s cowardice by calling him a pussycat, except he left the cat part out. Offended by Ohiyama’s choice of words, Smith lived up to his billing as an overgrown child by grabbing ‘The Active Volcano’ from behind and spin him around to nail him with a big right hook!
Boos rained down as Ohiyama stumbled backwards from the cheap shot, and Saunders had every opportunity to take advantage of the situation and hit the Blitzkrieg Champion with any move of his choice. But, Spike chose not to. Instead, Saunders wanted to see how it would play out and backed up to give Ohiyama space to recover.
Standing next to an equally as interested SoM, the Colossus couldn’t help by smile when Ohiyama recovered and charged at Smith to knock him off the apron!
Following Smith to the outside, Ohiyama picked the Big Kid up off the floor to give Smith a stiff punch of his own! Both men were oblivious to the ref’s counting as they proceeded to see which one of them could hit the hardest as they brawled all along the ringside area, even managing to trade chair shots with each other at one point!
With neither man falling, the brawl went well past the ten count and continued on until NBW security, fresh off of corralling Alex Reyn, had to come out and separate the two. Watching their two opponents get escorted to the back, Saunders and Son of Malta could only shrug their shoulders at their good fortune.
Not only were they going to the main event later on in the evening, but they would be heading into relatively unscathed and fresh. Which wasn’t good for the rest of the competitors to say the least.
WINNER: Spike Saunders and Son of Malta @ 8:02 (Countout)
Zed and Mitchell Quinlan vs. The Handsome Man Modeling School (“Tantalizing” Taylor Smith” and “Photogenic” Peter Pham w/ “The Beaut” Benny Reyes)
It was only three matches to go and the next one would be a rematch of sorts from Slam 102 when another nbW rising star Mitchell Quinlan made his return. The hard-hitting Canuck teamed with former rival Zed to take on The Handsome Man Modeling School…
And unlike that match, they were ready tonight when they attacked Zed and Quinlan at the bell! Pham and Smith took out Zed from the ring with a Double Dropkick and from there, focused their attacks on Quinlan, nailing a Double Flapjack followed by Double The Pleasure (Springboard Moonsault/Diving Elbow Drop combo) for a nearfall off the bat!
The quickness of the Handsome Man Modeling School allowed them the advantage from the get-go. They busted out a Seated Dropkick that almost got the win when Zed of all people made the save! Trying to save his own chance to win the WAR Memorial Cup. In all of the huff, Zed tried to help, but Benny Reyes grabbed his leg, threw him down and tried to attack him. Peter Pham Smith tried to finish him with his finisher, The Photo Finish, but Quinlan shoved him…
Right into the path of Z-Nihilated! (Tona Jaa-style knee strike!)
Quinlan turned and then CRACKED Smith with a stiff DEATH BY ELBOW! The Discus Elbow laid him out and Quinlan jumped on Pham for the three-count! A quick one that was mostly dominated by the HMMS, but Zed and Quinlan’s unlikely alliance to make it to the Battle Royale later in the night! Zed and Quinlan locked eyes with one another and Zed mouthed “you’re welcome” before bailing from the ring, leaving Quinlan to celebrate.
WINNER: Mitchell Quinlan and Zed @ 4:01 (Mitchell over Pham followed by Z-Nihilaiton from Zed)
“The Suplex Sensation” Jax Curry and “Savage of the Ring” Ravage vs. “The Founding Father” Matt Haddon and “The World Class Badass” Vic Gravender
With only two matches left before getting to the Battle Royale, it would be something of a rematch from The Big Rick Strongbern Big F’N Cup from Victory 8, only now it would be The Suplex Society and Savage Badassery split up - former Keystone Champ Matt Haddon teaming with former nbW World Champ Vic Gravender. They would be taking on the makeshift team of two men who had been at odds since one of them debuted - former nbW World Champ Ravage teaming with the rookie upstart Jax Curry!
Haddon and Curry started things off with their partners not paying much attention on the ring apron. The teacher and student tandem locked up while Ravage sat on the apron, booing both of them. The crowd was wowed with a feat of strength from Jax Curry as he connected with the Rocking Horse Suplex (Deadlift Vertical) on Haddon before the cover was broken up by Vic.
Ravage tagged himself in and glared at his partner… what were they doing to do? They seemed to have an understanding and they tried to fight themselves! Vic bullied Ravage with a Double Choke Overhead Suplex and the Face Paver (Full Nelson Facebuster into turnbuckle) when Curry came in and saved his partner, hitting a GERMAN SUPLEX ON VIC GRAVENDER! The crowd went nuts that he was able to suplex the 365-pounder!
Haddon got the tag and he surprised his own partner by grabbing him and striking him down with The No Brand Slam (Alabama Slamma) for a nearfall! Haddon was shocked and then tried to lock in his Half Crab finisher called SNAP, but Haddon kicked him out. Behind the referee’s back, he didn’t see Ravage snap the neck of Haddon off of the ropes! Curry never saw it and took him down with The Cold Shoulder (Pounce!) Curry followed up with The Sound and Fury (Deadlift German Suplex) for the victory!
Vic was seconds too late to save Haddon, but that didn’t stop him from attacking Curry after the match anyway! Vic scooped him up and DRILLED Curry with The Demolition Job (Fireman’s Carry Powerslam) and Ravage followed by attacking Haddon with The Cannonball (Frog Splash). Following the attack, the crowd jeered and Savage Badassery stood tall in the ring! Ravage left making a promise to add the WAR Memorial Cup to his already lengthy list of establishments.
WINNER: Ravage and Jax Curry @ 6:47 (Curry over Haddon with The Sound and Fury)
The Entertainers (Darren Best and Alfie Button) vs. The Players (Kid Chameleon and Paul Sanders)
Away from the pressure of their ongoing series and knowing this fixture wouldn’t count, The Entertainers and The Players lived up to their names by having a round of Rock, Paper and Scissors (soundly won by Kid Chameleon) a backflip contest (Alfie’s territory) and a muscle-flexing exhibition, which Paul Sanders took with ease.
Onto the contest, could The Players take their 2-1 pre-match nonsense and turn it into something meaningful? Well, Paul Sanders pushed Darren Best around with the ease to start with, but eventually Best made headway, taking Sanders down and going to work on the arm.
Tagging out to Alfie, the speedster got a couple of hits in before Sanders turned the tie on its head with a Spinebuster and a double down ensued.
Best was brought back in, but powerless to stop Kid Chameleon’s hot comeback as the World’s Greatest Gamer teed off on both Entertainers at will and went through his creative playbook with European Uppercuts, 3-pronged Suplexes and a Dragon Punch to Button, more insult to injury, and an STF on Best, who was inevitably saved by Button.
Eventually, Button changed the course of the contest with a Hair-Pull Hangman on Chameleon and tagged out to a grateful Best, who punished Chameleon with a Belly-to-Back Suplex, Moonsault Slam and Backdrop Driver for a flurry of near-falls.
A mistake enabled Chameleon to tag out to Sanders, who headed straight in and scored with the Trailblazer, only for Alfie to break it up.
Sanders established a firm lead against Darren, punishing him with a Powerslam and Vertical Suplex, but a quick roll-up almost caught Paul unaware.
In the end, Best got out of the way of a Stinger Splash and punished Sanders with a Best of Both! Hurting, Darren couldn’t exploit this and ended up tagging Alfie in. Button stormed the ring, decking Kid Chameleon and putting Paul away once and for all with a Flying Chuck Kick, AKA The Red Button, to give The Entertainers a psychological edge for when they renew their 7-part series in 2018.
WINNER: The Entertainers @ 14:47 (Kid Chameleon over Paul Sanders with Flying Chuck Kick)
TEN MINUTE INTERMISSION INTO NEW YEAR’S EVE COUNTDOWN:
A Very Drunk Tank Christmas
The lower-third read: Previously Recorded.
A poorly assembled fake Christmas tree with the wrong size branches attached to the wrong part of the green cylinder in the middle and some rows missing is leaning against the back wall of the room that entered into view. Underneath it were poorly wrapped Christmas presents with newspaper and cheap wrapping paper inside out. The view swept forward slowly and two rocking chairs are seen. In these rocking chairs are Jonny Bedlam and Jimmy Houlihan. Both had large mugs of some beverage and were chuckling at one another. Both were dressed in extremely loose-fitting Santa Costumes, complete with extremely cheap fake beards that did not attach to their faces in the least. A fake fireplace was off to the right and was alight. Strings of tinsel were haphazardly duct taped to different portions of the wall.
The camera continued to move forward until a proper viewing angle of a chat show was established. Jonny and Jimmy turned to what was likely the lens and smiled. At that point, red and apparently dripping letters went across the view and read :
NBW Presents: A Very Drunk Tank Christmas
“Ho ho ho! It’s Santa Bedlam. Merry Christmas everyone! It may be late, we’re not sure when this is airing. But even if it is, folks…who doesn’t like two Christmases?”
Jimmy took a long swig from his mug and chuckled, causing his chair to creak mightily under his weight as he rocked. “And this is Santa Jimmy here, I use my first name because Santa Houlihan sounds awkward.”
“Well, we’ve got a good show for you here on the first volume of a Very Drunk Tank Christmas. We’re gonna discuss current events in NBW poorly, we’re going to drink heavily, and then we’re going to read some Christmas wish lists from some of our adoring fans…to uhh..Santa…s.”
Jimmy looked very seriously at the point of view. “Yeah, we haven’t done a lot of planning. It’s the holidays. Lots of booze. I’m Irish, you know the stereotype.”
“All right, so lets get to our first point of order Jim. Current events in the NBW.”
“Yeah Jonny Boy. How about it?”
“Well the first and most important point is…NBW has a new signee officially. Why don’t you show em, Jimmy?”
Jimmy stood up, produces a large red Santa bag, and pulls out of it a stack of paper. The camera view zoomed in on the stack of paper which read “NBW Talent Employment Contract” at the top. Jimmy flipped to the back page of the contract quickly and it contained the name “James Houlihan” and his signature.
“Ta-dahhhhh! I am officially a NBW employee and the Drunk Tank is officially an NBW entity! Boy howdy!”
Jimmy placed the contract back in the bag and took his seat again.
The view shifted back to Jonny who was smiling broadly. “Yes, No Brand Nutjobs, the Drunk Tank is here and here to stay. Our first official NBW merch should be coming out soon, as well. Yes, no more buying stuff online or having to make it yourself. You’re going to be wearing some soft ass, official NBW swag with our mugs upon it. Literally, the mugs we’re drinking out of…probably.”
Both men lifted mugs high, and drank from them.
“Is there anything else Jim? It seems to be escaping my mind now. I feel like …there was something else important.”
“Ohh yes Jonny, yes there was. Drunk Tank, like any great partnership or entity, is all about growth…and particularly…expansion. You folks tuned into this mini show on your holiday and we’re going to give you your time’s worth. A huge, surprise announcement is coming….right now!”
“Ohh yes Jim, I remember now! The Drunk Tank has a new member! How could I forget?” With this, Jonny stood and walked to the door of the room. The camera shifted around behind him as Jonny gripped the door and turned toward the camera.
“Introducing, the latest member of the Drunk Tank, after careful consideration and long debate between Jimmy and myself…”
A drumroll began to play from somewhere…possibly behind the door. Jonny extended the pause, then threw open the door.
“DAVEY LA RUE!”
Davey came bounding through the door with a parade snare drum attached to his torso at which he was banging away wildly. Davey leaped, and slid forward with arms and drum sticks extended outward on his knees. He then bowed gracefully.
Jonny sidled up to Davey and placed a large bottle of Thunderbird wine in front of him.
“Many thanks, mon ami. Davey dropped his drumsticks, grabbed the bottle, unscrewed the cap, and drank heavily from it.
“Ahhhh,” Davey exclaimed, obviously very refreshed.
“Laissez le bon temps roulez!!!!”
Davey then removed his drum and tossed it to the side and took a seat in another rocking chair which had appeared.
Jonny sat back in his own chair and the camera resumed its normal view, except slightly moved back to include Davey in the frame.
“So Davey, you excited to be part of the crew?”
“Jonny, I’ve not been this excited since I was invited to play snare in my first Second Line during Carnival, mon ami!” Davey took another liberal swig of his bottle of T-bird.
“Yeah Davey, I’ve considered you a like-minded fellow since I met you about a year ago here in NBW. We’ve been through many battles together my friend, and I’m hard-pressed to think of anyone I’d rather have by my side in a fight other than Jimmy himself. I was worried Jimmy might not approve, but he’s very appreciative of your saving my skin so much as it turns out, as well as quite a fan of your work.”
“He’s right brother. You’re quite the Cajun Jackie Chan from Drunken Master. You remind me a good deal of Jonny, and that’s never a bad thing. Plus you’re not reluctant to bend the ol’ elbow if ya need ta.”
“You hommes flatter me. It’s not so, but I’ll take it. I’d never question the word of such fine fellow Southerners!”
“Well Davey, do you have any current events you wanna discuss?” Jonny implored.
“The only current event I wanna discuss is in my right hand as we speak.”
“My man! Well I think we should go ahead and try to rap this up and let our fans get back to getting sauced with their relations and other lovelies. Lets read some letters to the Drunk Tank Santas!”
Davey handed Jonny a mail bag with “Santa” emblazoned in Red and Green permanent marker. Jonny reached in and pulled a few letters out.
“Now obviously we can’t read all these letters aloud in the limited time we’ve left, but rest assured we’ll read ‘em off the air. Because the Drunk Tank is like that.”
Davey and Jimmy took long swigs from their drinks. Davey reached to the side and poured a liberal amount of liquid from a bottle of George Dickel whiskey into his mug. Jonny opened the first letter in the stack of letters.
“Let’s read our first letter from Alan Jefferson of White Plains, New York. ‘Dear Drunk Tank, you guys are a bunch of numbskulls. It’s an embarrassment that the NBW is rumored to be getting you back together. Have an awful holiday season. You suck. PS if you have any pictures of Alex Reyn in the shower, send them to me.’”
“Does that letter have Alex Reyn’s address, Jonny?” inquired Davey.
“No, no it doesn’t. Ha. Well, I didn’t figure our first letter would be from a detractor, but what most haters want is attention. So we’re giving it to you. Eat a dick, Al. But also, don’t be shy. Send Alex a direct request, he rarely gets fan mail and I’m sure he’d send you something for your eyes to snack on. Let’s move on to the next letter.”
Jonny handed the stack of letters to his right to Davey. Davey opened one and began to read.
“Our next letter is from Xavier Acker from Aurora, Illinois. ‘Dear Drunk Tank, all I want for Christmas is for you to take a shot for me. I got laid off a couple of months ago and times are tough. I’m a huge fan and I’m glad you got the band back together. Maybe 2018 will show me better times as well. Always with you - X.’”
Davey looks downward for a moment, as do the other two. They all look at each other. Jimmy speaks first.
“You thinking what I’m thinkin boys?”
“I think we’re catching a flight to Illinois. Davey, get on tripadvisor!” Jonny shouted.
“On it, mon frere!”
“You know what, X-man? The Drunk Tank ain’t just gonna take a shot for you. Screw that. It’s block party time in Aurora, Illinois. We’re coming to you and we’re doing MANY shots WITH you and your whole crew! And ya know what, we may have a little something else for ya too bud. We’ll have more details of this impromptu Block Party on twitter, and X we’ll be in touch my man.”
Jimmy stood up. “And from ours to yours, folks, have the merriest of Christmases, and know that the Drunk Tank loves ya!”
All three at once hooted: “Merry Drunk Tank Christmas and a whole new happy ass Drunk Tank New Year!”
WAR MEMORIAL CUP BATTLE ROYALE!
Participants: Warren Spade, Martin Gamby, Big Rick, Little Ricky, Todd Rich, Freddie Rich, Spike Saunders, Son of Malta, Jake Tockwell, Raul Ramirez, Brock Newbludd, Davey La Rue, Ravage, Jax Curry, Jonny Bedlam, Jimmy Houlihan, Zed, Mitchell Quinlan, Darren Best, Alfie Button
After what was a very exciting tag match between The Entertainers and Players to close out the qualification round of the Lethal Lottery tournament, it was now time for the main event. It was now time for 20 man battle royale to determine who would be the 2018 WAR Cup winner!
Expecting to see the participants come down to enter the ring to start the massive brawl, the crowd was surprised when GM Jack Harmen’s music hit the PA speakers. Walking out onto the stage, Jack told the crowd that he had forgotten one very important detail about the main event.
And that was that it wasn’t going to be your everyday, run of the mill battle royale. Oh no, this match would take place under 25 to Life rules! The only difference is that he wanted to keep everyone on their toes by shortening the time between entrants from two minutes to just one.
With that, Harmen exited the stage as the crowd roared in approval. Not seconds later, that roar intensified when the music of the man who drew unlucky number one hit the speakers…
It was NBW World Heavyweight Champion, ’The Innovator’ Brock Newbludd!
Before winning the world title at Legacy, Brock had to first earn his title shot in the actual 25 to Life match by surviving to be the last man standing. If that match was any indication of how Newbludd could handle himself in the chaos of a battle royale, then he had as good of a chance as any man to run the gauntlet from the dreaded number one spot.
Entering the ring, Newbludd waited anxiously to see who was the other man to draw the short straw to start the match with him…
Surprise, surprise...it was his arch nemesis, and funny enough the last man he eliminated to win 25 to Life, ’Big Talk’ Jake Tockwell!!
While it was possible that it was purely chance that those two drew one and two, it was more than likely the work of Harmen giving the fans the best possible match that he could by picking the entrant order.
And it seemed to work too, as the crowd was going bananas as Tockwell, along with Sally Renolds, took his time down the ramp, looking not too pleased about having to start the match. Entering the ring, Tockwell and Newbludd met in the middle of the ring to stand toe to toe and talk trash until the sound of the bell… and the countdown to the New Year took us home!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Also, let’s get ready to Rumble!
The crowd went insane and “Happy New Year” chants echoed through the building before the match was about to begin! Instantly, Tockwell went for his Gift of Gab lariat to take Newbludd out, but Brock was able to avoid it and grab him from behind for an attempted German Suplex!
No dice. Jake staggered Brock with a hard back elbow to break free and proceeded to push the champion into the corner with a collar and elbow. Once there, Big Talk nailed Brock with a hard knee to the gut followed up by another that was a tad bit...lower…
With the man he hated more than anyone else in the world doubled over, Jake couldn’t help himself from delivering more damage to him by hitting Newbludd with a suplex that sent him back into the middle of the ring, instead of trying to eliminate the world champion.
Pouncing on Brock to wail away at him with a series of punches, Big Talk didn’t even bother to glance up as the crowd counted down for the third entrant’s arrival...
Entrant #3: Ravage
Luck was NOT on the world champion’s side so far as the man who he spent 2017 battling kept wailing away at him, while the man that he had a blood feud with in 2016 rushed down to join in on the fun!
Sliding under the ropes, Ravage quickly formed an alliance with Tockwell and the two went to work on Newbludd. Seemingly not interested at all in actually trying to eliminate Brock, the two spent the entirety of their one minute before the next entrant hitting Newbludd with double team maneuvers, including a vicious Assisted Powerbomb that bent Brock in half upon impact.
Entrant #4: Jax Curry
‘The Suplex Sensation’ was the fourth man to enter, and the hottest rookie in NBW showed no hesitation as he entered a ring containing three men that at one point or another held the NBW World Heavyweight Championship.
Ravage instantly went at the youngster who had been a thorn in his side as of late, and ate a Overhead Belly to Belly for his troubles!
Peeling his attention away from Brock, Big Talk followed suit and Curry gave him an Catch Exploder Suplex! The crowd was eating up Curry’s suplex mastery!
As Brock began to pull himself up with the ropes, Curry picked up Ravage and pushed him towards the ropes looking for an elimination. Pushing down on Ravage’s neck with a forearm, Curry was able to get the Savage of the Ring’s off the ground! He was going to go!
But, Curry’s hopes of eliminating Ravage were washed away by a belly to back suplex from the recovered Tockwell. Planting his feet on the ground, Ravage breathed a sigh of relief…
Until Newbludd stormed in to nail him with a superkick that sent him up and over to the floor!
Ravage spilled to the floor just as entry number four’s music hit.
Entrant #5: ‘The Coach’ Davey LaRue
Things were NOT looking good for Tockwell as the coach of Newbludd’s WarGames team sprinted down the ramp, while in the ring Curry and Brock circled Jake.
Sliding underneath the ropes, Davey hopped up, ready to join Curry and Brock in the beatdown of Tockwell. That was when one of Jake’s best weapons, Sally Renolds, decided to make her presence known by sticking a hand underneath the bottom rope to grab La Rue’s ankle and cause him to stumble.
Seeing the stumble, Big Talk showed off his explosiveness by darting in between Curry and Newbludd to hit Davey with the GIFT OF GAB! Just like that LaRue was gone!
Eliminated: Davey La Rue
After finishing off ‘The Coach’, Tockwell found himself upside down and hanging on for dear life as an angry Brock and Jax grabbed him from behind to try and dump him! Frustration mounted for the two men though as Tockwell had his arms wrapped around the top rope tight, and they couldn’t get him to let go!
Realizing this, Newbludd instructed Curry to let go of Tockwell, and as soon as Jake’s feet hit the mat the two yanked Big Talk off of the ropes to hit him with a double back suplex!
Entrant #6: Zed
The self proclaimed Paragon of the Industry wasted no time getting down to the ring, even managing to level LaRue with a cheap clothesline as the Baton Rouge native was walking up the ramp. With boos pouring down because of his dirty move, Zed slid under the ropes and instantly locked up with Newbludd, while Curry was busy picking Tockwell up off the mat.
Newbludd and Zed wrestled for position in the collar and elbow, with the fresh and stronger Zed getting the upper hand by hip tossing the champion into the corner so that Brock landed upside down in the Tree of Woe!
With Zed using his foot to choke the upside down Brock, the other two men in the ring found themselves in an opposite corner and once again Tockwell was doing his damndest to avoid elimination as Curry tried to get him over the top rope.
One well placed eye poke later and Tockwell found himself with two feet back in the ring. Seeing how effective the first finger to the eye was, Jake doubled down and poked Curry in his other eye! Grabbing Curry by the back of the head, Tockwell attempted to toss the rookie over the top rope, but Jax held on at the last second to land on the apron!
Entrant #7: Mitchell Quinlan
Hearing Quinlan’s music hit the speakers, Zed gave a stiff kick to Brock’s gut before leaving him hanging upside down in the corner to lay some boots to Quinlan as he slid underneath the bottom rope.
Over on the other side of the ring, Tockwell had fought his way back into the ring and had managed to turn the tide in his favor against the fiery Curry by once again resorting to dirty tactics. This time with a uppercut between the legs that caused Jax to drop to the mat in pain. Grabbing Curry by the legs, Tockwell sent a heel down into the rookie’s stomach before falling backwards to catapult Curry throat first into the bottom rope!
Still in the tree of woe, Brock was just starting to come to, while not too far from him Quinlan and Zed traded hard blows that caused the crowd to start a ‘Boo! Yeah!’ chant with each strike. The exchange ended with an overwhelming ‘YEAH!’ when Quinlan knocked Zed on his ass with his patented Spinning Hook Kick!
With Curry down for the moment, Tockwell had his sights set on Quinlan, who’s back was turned from the opportunistic former champion. Winding his arm up, Tockwell rushed in for a GIFT OF GAB…
Only to be cut off courtesy of a Missile Dropkick from Newbludd!
Entrant #8: Little Ricky Strongbern
The two men who were upright, Quinlan and Brock, took their eyes off of each other to watch as the biggest man to enter the match thus far marched down the ramp. Stepping over the top rope to enter the ring, Ricky eyed up Q and Newbludd before smiling at them and grabbing the first body he saw laying on the mat, which happened to be Zed.
Crouching down, Little Ricky put on a impressive showing of strength by deadlifting Zed up off the mat and powering him up for a military press!
Then he let out a roar and threw the Paragon out of the ring!
The crowd cheered as Little Ricky spread his arms out wide to let out another roar as he spun around to face the inside of the ring…
Just in time to catch a double dropkick from Quinlan and Newbludd that sent him flipping over the top rope to land on top of Zed!
Eliminated: Little Ricky Strongbern
Getting back to their feet at the same time, Newbludd and Quinlan bumped fists before receiving a double dropkick of their own from the unlikely duo of Tockwell and Curry that sent them both flipping over the top rope!
But not out! Double Skin the Cat from Quinlan and Brock!
Flipping back in the ring, Quinlan and Brock saw that the alliance between their two attackers had already broken their treaty and were battling each other once again. Newbludd took a step towards Tockwell but soon found himself being irish whipped into the corner by Quinlan who decided that it was time for their alliance to end as well!
Entrant #9: Todd Rich
The second-in-command of The Rich Family hit the ring and decided to go right for Jax Curry first, connecting with a big Leg Lariat to the mush! He took down one Canadian and saw Tockwell whip Quinlan his direction, so he jumped on that and connected with a Pop-up Kick to the midsection!
Tockwell then tried to grab Todd from behind and whip him off the ropes, but Todd spun around…
Tockwell was ALMOST over, but hooked onto the ropes for dear life while Sally watched from outside! Raul Ramirez wasn’t out yet to help him. Brock tried to inch him over the top rope, but Todd snuck up behind him…
Brock didn’t go over, but now Tockwell and Todd were trying to eliminate him! Before the crowd knew what was going on…
Entrant #10: Darren Best
And the crowd went loco for perhaps one half of the best pure tag team in nbW today! Darren Best leaped right into the ring and took down Quinlan with a huge Springboard Dropkick! Best kipped up to his feet and when Todd Rich turned to try and catch him by surprise, he was snapped down with a Backdrop Suplex and then the OUTStanding Moonsault connected next!
Best then went right after the former nbW World Champion Jake Tockwell, cracking him with rights before taking him down with a big Neckbreaker followed by a Slingshot Legdrop from the second rope!
Best was on fire right now!
He jumped in and tried to eliminated Jax Curry… But Curry surged to life and THREW him up and over with a huge Spinning Belly to Belly Suplex! The ring was filling up quickly and so far, we were full of bodies, but the next man? He could tip the scales, most literally.
Entrant #11: Warren Spade
To quote a great wrestling phrase, business was about to pick up, King.
The seven-foot former nbW World Champion Warren Spade was in the ring! Quickly, Tockwell and Todd Rich stopped trying to eliminate Brock in one corner and both were about to run at Spade to perhaps give them a fighting chance…
...But then Tockwell backed up! Todd was grabbed by the throat and CHUCKED over the top rope with ease!
Eliminated: Todd Rich
Tockwell waved bye-bye to him, but in the process, managed to get grabbed by Brock…
Tockwell was the cockroach of the Memphis wrestling scene and hung onto the top rope, but Brock continued to stomp away at him.
As that happened, Mitchell Quinlan and Curry had an understanding and the two Canadians rushed at Warren Spade, attacking him with rights! They doubled him over and tried to whip him off the ropes. Their attempts to double-team the giant went up in smoke because Spade simply broke through it…
Quinlan held his ribs in pain and rolled away, perhaps out of instinct, but Curry was not so fortunate when Warren picked him up….
Eliminated: Jax Curry
The rookie had a great showing for himself, but now it was time for the next entrant…
Entrant #12: Jonny Bedlam
One half of The Drunk Tank was out next and instead of entering the ring where Warren Spade was holding court, he came in from the crowd and when Spade turned, he got cracked in the face with WTF? I’m A Mack Truck! (Springboard Roundhouse Kick!)
The Monster of the Mid-South was staggered and maybe Jonny was a crazy person, but he tried like all hell to get the former nbW World Champion off the top rope! And even Darren Best rushed over to help out! Quinlan was in no position to help as he was still down from the Trample from Spade, and now he was hanging on for dear life!
Brock and Tockwell continued their match-long struggle to eliminate one another, but Tockwell clawed at his eye!
Seeing Spade now close to defeat, Tockwell jumped in and he also tried to power Spade over the top rope! Bedlam, Best and Tockwell all tried, but a sudden BURST of power allowed Spade to shove them all back! Best rolled through and got back to his feet as his partner arrived!
Entrant #13: Alfie Button
Bedlam got back up and now tried to eliminate Tockwell with Brock resting in the corner as Alfie Button - the flashier half of the Entertainers arrived! They both landed a huge Double Dropkick on Spade and rocketed him to the corner! Brock tried to throw Alfie over the ropes, but he got caught… Match of the Day! (Overhead Kick)
Quinlan was back up, but Alife pitied that fool. I don’t mean the feeling, he hit him with multiple I Pity The Fool Uppercuts to keep him down! Bedlam was intent on scoring a major elimination when Tockwell got his elbow up and struck him in the face. Tockwell got cocky…
I’M ALFIE BUTTON, BITCH!
Alfie climbed through the second rope and then took down the former nbW World Champion wiht a Springboard Forearm Smash! as Bedlam tried to take down Darren Best! He almost had him over the top rope and threw him up and over, but didn’t see Best hang on by a thread. He then clocked Best with a hard right that knocked him off his feet.. But he kipped right back up into a Hurricanrana, the Bobby Dazzler! The Entertainers were both holding court, but who knows if that would have lasted long…
Entrant #14: “Gorgeous” Martin Gamby
As if Warren Spade being in the ring wasn’t bad enough now, “Gorgeous” Martin Gamby was up next and the 6’9”, 465-pound pretty boy made his way toward the ring with a purpose. Alfie Button nodded to Darren and then tried to take him out early with a Tope Suicida through the second rope to avoid any sort of elimination…
But he was caught and then SLAMMED into the ring apron!
He left Alfie there on the ring apron in a mess as he entered the ring, only for Darren Best to try a Triangle Dropkick! It did stun Gamby as he entered the ring but when Darren tried to launch another attack, he was caught just like his partner! Darren frantically tried to elbow his way free, only to be Shot Through The Heart! (Heart Punch!) After telling Bes that he’s to blame…
Eliminated: Darren Best
Alfie stood up and tried to save his partner, but Gamby goozled him…
Eliminated: Alfie Button
And just like that, both Entertainers had been eliminated after a hard-fought night. And now Gamby was locking eyes with Warren Spade… and now Brock, Tockwell, Quinlan, Bedlam all stopped and were about to enjoy the show as they were about to watch the two big men come to blows…
Entrant #15: Big Rick Strongbern
...Wait, make that three.
Big Rick Stronbern took off toward the ring like a rocket and one-fourth of the nbW Dynasty Tag Team Champions was in between Gamby and Spade while the crowd had a field day.
“ALL RIGHT, MOTHERFUCKERS, LET’S DANCE!” Big Rick shouted.
Spade and Gamby turned down to the 5’9” Strongbern… who then turned and CRACKED Big Talk in the throat with a chop!
And the fighting resumed with Mitchell Quinlan and Jonny Bedlam going at it in one corner of the ring, Brock holding Tockwell so Big Rick could lay into him with heavy-handed chops… and then Spade and Gamby throwing rights at one another! The crowd was going nuts for the two fighting it out and for the moment, Gamby got the better of Spade with a big Headbutt! He threw him into the corner and The Love Train connected!
Spade went down but when The Most Voluptuous Man in Professional Wrestling got up… THE LOVE BOAT MISSED! But as Gamby got back up, Spade charged and cracked him with The Size 44 Rocket Cannon! (Running Dropkick) The two beasts were down as the next man came on down…
Entrant #16: “The First” Freddie Rich
And much like Bedlam trying to get the drop on Spade earlier, the shifty leader of The Rich Family jumped into the ring and saved Jake Tockwell of all people from defeat by throwing Brock out to the apron! He didn’t fall and the nbW World Champion hung on for dear life, while Big Rick turned and CRACKED him with a Chop, too! The two traded blows back and forth now, picking up where the feud between Clan Strongbern and The Rich Family left off!
Bedlam and Quinlan continued their fight and for the moment, Bedlam was getting the better of him until Quinlan fired back. He blocked a kick…
DEATH BY ELBOW!
Bedlam stumbled near the ropes when Quinlan followed up with a Northern Lariat, sending Bedlam over the top!
Eliminated: Jonny Bedlam
Jonny was out…
Entrant #17: Jimmy Houlihan
And his partner was in. Jimmy ran by Bedlam with his partner giving him the nod as Houlihan ran in… Following his partner’s lead, he appeared to right for big Martin Gamby and laid into him with a big Rowdy Howdy in the corner!
Rowdy Howdy for Spade!
Quinlan tried to snuff out the fire of Jimmy, but The Boston Cowboy cracked him in the head with a huge Elbow Smash to the head! He rocked him and threw him into the corner to hand out another Rowdy Howdy and then followed that up with Screw Y’all, I’m From Texas! (Calf Branding!)
Houlihan turned back to see Spade. He struck him with a few good Elbows and ran the ropes for a lariat only to be taken down with a West Memphis Twister (Black Hole Slam)! With Houlihan down, Brock and Tockwell fought along with Big Rick and Freddie Rich trying to eliminate one another in one corner and while that was going on, Quinlan was biding his time with Spade and Gamby going right back to things, trying to eliminate one another! It was now time for the next competitor. And it was a big one.
Nay. The biggest one.
Entrant #18: “The Colossus” Spike Saunders
The nbW Legend was about to come in and wreck some fools! Spike then climbed into the ring where Houlihan was STILL up…
Right hands for Saunders! The Boston Cowboy fought with a lot and looked to ALMOST eliminate Spike quickly as he tried to Clothesline him over the top rope! He fought a few good slams, but Spike…
Eliminated: Jimmy Houlihan
And with that, the fiery Houlihan was gone, but he and Bedlam had a great showing tonight by upset The Xiang Dynasty and showed their worth tonight. Spike focused on Spade going over to Gamby. The Gorgeous big man tried to fight them off with elbows, but both big men struck back…
THE OLD SIZE 22!
Eliminated: Martin Gamby
It took the two biggest men in the match to do it, but Martin Gamby went over the top rope! When the giant hit the floor, Spike and Warren bumped fists…
FOLLOWED BY SPADE TRYING TO SHOVE HIM OVER!
Spike fought for dear life and elbowed Spade in the head as our next competitor arrived.
Entrant #19: “Hot Sauce” Raul Ramirez
The second to the last man to enter the battle royale was none other than “Hot Sauce” Raul Ramirez! The former two time and longest-reigning ACW Tag Team Champion formerly known as Fever Pitch took his time coming down the ramp, but then ran when he saw Brock about to give Tockwell the boot from the ring.
“NO!” Raul shouted.
He jumped on Brock’s back and clawed at his eyes, trying to keep him from being eliminated, which gave Tockwell the chance to sit up, kick Brock in the leg and DROP him with Talk To The Hand! (Rainmaker Punch!) The stiff right hand echoed like a gunshot and Brock collapsed to a knee! Both Tockwell and Hot Sauce rushed over to Big Rick who was on the verge of eliminating his rival…
Right hand to Hot Sauce! Right hand to Tockwell! Big Rick hit them all, but then Freddie Rich CLOCKED him with Freddie’s Nightmare (Sick Kick)! The same kick he struck him with earlier laid him out and now, three of the seven members of Team Tockwell were ruling the roost. Quinlan turned his attention on them as well…
With Spike and Spade - two of nbW’s longest rivals - battled it out, they attacked Quinlan three-on-one! Quinlan tried to fight them all one by one, striking Hot Sauce with a right hand, then Freddie with one of his own, only for Tockwell to catch him with a low blow followed by Hot Sauce landing Just A Taste (Superkick to kneeling opponent). Quinlan was taken out and the crowd jeered the three members of Team Big Talk before number twenty made his way out...
Entrant #20: Son of Malta
The former nbw Dynasty Tag Team and Infamy Champion was the last man there now and stopped to yell at Spike Saunders and Warren Spade’s fight to see what was going on…
And now it was three on three…
Or was it?
THE LAW RAN INTO THE RING!
The crowd BOOED as the personal Security of Team Big Talk - not members of this match, mind you - came in and attacked Spike and Spade while Tockwell, Raul, and Freddie ran in and attacked Malta!
Brady and Strauss rushed Warren Spade and while there was no DQ, they held him near the ropes and Tockwell and Freddie Rich helped to get the big man over…
Eliminated: Warren Spade
The crowd BOOED! The Law weren’t allowed in this match and had just helped to eliminate one of the biggest men in the match. As if things couldn’t get any worse, Son of Malta tried to keep Hot Sauce from getting involved! He decked him with a DDT, but as that went on, Tockwell, Freddie and The Law fought Spike! The four-on-one was just too much…
Eliminated: Spike Saunders
Both giants were eliminated, but they immediately got back into the ring anyway! Brock, Big Rick and Quinlan got back up and it was a HUGE fight!
Spade clotheslined Brady out of the ring while Spike did the same to Strauss and fought with the goons into the crowd!
Inside, the fights continued until Hot Sauce tried to take out his signature pepper spray, but when he tried to use it, Son of Malta dropped him with a Spinebuster and then tossed him out!
Eliminated: Raul Ramirez
Seeing his closest ally get tossed fired up Tockwell, and he peeled away from his battle with Quinlan to deftly slither through the battlefield like a snake to smoke SOM with a GIFT OF GAB that caused Malta’s Favorite Son to flip over the top rope…
But, somehow Malta landed on his feet!
Though, it might have been better if he would have just hit the floor because what came next ROCKED him…
TALK TO THE HAND!
Eliminated: Son of Malta (BROCK, TOCK, QUINLAN, RICK, FREDDIE)
Satisfied with getting revenge for his manager, Tockwell spun around and was met head on by the combined duo of Big Rick and Newbludd! The former enemies now turned friends, used their combined might to overwhelm Jake which ended with Brock harnessing his amateur abilities by taking Tockwell down to the mat with a double leg takedown.
“RICK!” the world champion screamed as he grabbed both of Jake’s legs and began to fall backwards for a catapult.
“EAT THIS FUCKBOY!!” Strongbern screamed as Newbludd sent Jake flying straight towards him.
STRONG ARM LARIAT!
Big Rick SMASHED the airborne Tockwell with the lariat, but not in the face. Instead, Strongbern hit Jake in the gut, causing a loud smack to be heard!
With Tockwell crumpling to the mat, Big Rick looked to get a two for one and charged in towards Freddie Rich who was grappling with Quinlan near the ropes.
STRONG ARM LARIAT!
Freddie had caught a glimpse of Strongbern rushing towards him and at the last second grabbed Quinlan to switch places with him!
Causing Strongbern to inadvertently nail Mitchell and send him flipping over the top rope!
ELIMINATED: Mitchell Quinlan
Angered by missing Freddie, the leader of Clan Strongbern roared as he spun around to face him.
Ducked by Rick!
Avoiding the dangerous kick, Strongbern used his leverage (aka height) to get underneath Rich and throw him up on his shoulders.
Death Valley Driver by Strongbern!
Over on the opposite side of the ring, Newbludd had Tockwell pinned in a corner and was hammering away at him with smacking knife edge chops. The first two entrants of this contest, both men looked exhausted. But, still they fought on.
The crowd roared in approval as Strongbern and Newbludd took it to their arch enemies! Picking Rich up off the mat Strongbern barked an order at Brock, and the world champion didn’t even bother to look at Big Rick, instead he just did what he was told.
Grabbing Tockwell by an arm, Newbludd irish whipped Jake out of the corner, while Big Rick did the same with Freddie!
The two future WarGames teammates were set on a collision course with each other in the middle of the ring!
But it wouldn’t be! Showing great athleticism Freddie managed to drop down in time for Tockwell to leap over him!
Closing in now on Big Rick, Tockwell wound his arm up for a GIFT OF GAB!
Standing his ground, Strongbern snarled and wound his arm up for a STRONG ARM LARIAT!
The large hadron collider was going to like a fart in the wind compared to the collision that was about to happen. A meeting of the two deadliest lariats in the business. Who would come out on top?
Even Rich and Newbludd momentarily stopped tussling to see how the trainwreck would pan out…
With Tockwell only feet away, Big Rick’s eyes suddenly went wide with fear and he started backpedaling! He was cowering in fear!
Or was he?
Tockwell’s eyes grew wide in delight at the sight of Strongbern retreating and it gave him a boost in speed to give everything he had in his lariat!
Then, it became all too clear to Tockwell that he had just been beat at his own game when suddenly Strongbern roared and dropped low to catch throw a shoulder into Jake…
And back body drop him over the top rope!!!
Strongbern had just tricked the NBW’s master of tricks to send him crashing to the floor!
ELIMINATED: Jake Tockwell
While the exchange was happening between Strongbern and Tockwell, on the other side of the ring Brock had quietly stepped out onto the apron and had positioned himself behind Rich, who’s eyes had been fixed on Strongbern and Tockwell.
And the moment that Tockwell was sent flying over, Brock grabbed Rich by the back of the head and yanked him towards him!
Living up to his nickname, Newbludd then put Freddie into a headlock and began to pull him over the top rope! Then, in one fluid motion, Brock hopped up to wrap his legs around the middle rope as he continued to pull Freddie over…
Then in one final burst of strength, Brock jerked backwards violently to suplex Rich to the outside!
ELIMINATED: Freddie Rich
We were down to our final two! The crowd was at a fever pitch as two former enemies, now turned odd couple friends were going to battle it out for the chance to be named the winner of the 2018 WAR Cup!
With his legs still wrapped around the middle rope, Newbludd was literally hanging upside down after sending Rich packing and proceeded to display his excellent physical conditioning to do a sit up to grab on to the top rope…
And once he was upright, Brock’s eyes widened in surprise at Big Rick who was standing nose to nose with him.
Still sitting with his legs wrapped around the middle rope and his hands grasping the top, Newbludd was caught dead to rights by Strongbern.
“NO HARD FEELINGS BROCK!” Strongbern screamed as he reared back one arm.
“Shit!” Brock yelled out in return.
One second later he was sent flying from the ring apron by a STRONG ARM LARIAT!
To land on top of Freddie Rich on the floor!
ELIMINATED: Brock Newbludd
It was over! Big Rick had done it!
“Ladies and gentlemen...the winner of this contest...and your 2018 WAR Cup Winner….BIG...RICK...STRONGBEEEERN!
The crowd asploded!!!!
Brock had started from the get-go and made it to the VERY end, but tonight the night belonged to perhaps nbW’s most clearly insane, but equally gutsy performer today!
The nbW World Champion made it back into the ring just as Jack Harmen, Richie Keal and Trent McKnight came out to present Big Rick with a massive-ass trophy that was about six feet tall! Big Rick and Brock looked at one another…
Brock offered his hand.
Was Big Rick gonna take the handshake from his former hated rival?
“Hate to say, but you earned it,” Brock said.
“FUCKING RIGHT… BUT A GOOD MATCH ANYWAY!”
The nbW World Champ left Big Rick to it and left the ring just as Little Ricky, Rik Bonebreaker-Strongbern and Ri-Khan came out to congratulate their leader.
Big Rick stood next to the trophy and looked menacing AF with his stable behind him while the crowd chanted.
“BIG RICK!” Clap-clap.
“BIG RICK!” Clap-clap.
“BIG RICK!” Clap-clap.
“BIG RICK!” Clap-clap.
“BIG RICK!” Clap-clap.
The King of Strongbern Style grinned and had a microphone in hand.
“WHEN CLAN STRONGBERN FIRST STARTED THE YEAR 2017, YOU PEOPLE FUCKING HATED US. YOU HATED LITTLE RICKY! YOU HATED RIK BONEBREAKER-STRONGBERN! YOU HATED RI-KHAN! HELL, THE ROSTER FUCKING HATED US… I MEAN, THAT’S BECAUSE WE KICKED TOO MUCH ASS, AMIRITE?!”
The other members of Clan Strongbern laughed behind him while Big Rick now hoisted his large trophy next to him.
“BUT I TOLD EVERYBODY THAT SINCE I GOT TO NO BRAND WRESTLING, I TOLD PEOPLE THAT SOMEDAY YOU WOULD REMEMBER MY NAME! THAT IT WOULD PASS THROUGH YOUR WORDHOLES! NOW LOOK AT US! WE KICKED THE ASSES OF THE UNSTOPPABLES… TWICE, MIGHT I ADD!”
He pointed to Little Ricky and Rik behind him, brandishing the nbW Dynasty Tag Team Titles.
“WE GOT THOSE WHEN WE KICKED THE FUCK OUT OF THE A-LIST! AND WE’VE MADE GOOD ON OUR PROMISE TO SHIT-KICK EVERYBODY IN THE GODDAMN UNIVERSE TO PROVE THAT WE’RE THE BEST GROUP IN NBW… PERIOD.”
And now to the trophy.
“AND NOW, I GOT THIS MOTHERFUCKER RIGHT HERE! FORTY MEN HAD THE CHANCE TO GUN FOR THIS, BUT TONIGHT, I WAS THE LAST MAN STANDING! NOW I NEVER KNEW WAR PERSONALLY, BUT HE WAS A COOL GUY THAT WAS RESPECTED BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH ASS HE KICKED IN HIS TIME! AND I PROMISE THAT CLAN STRONGBERN AND I ARE GOING TO UPHOLD SAID ASS KICKINGS! WE BENT 2017 OVER AND MADE IT OUR BITCH… AND WE’RE GOING TO DO THE SAME TO 2018, 2019 AND BEYOND! CLAN STRONGBERN INFINITY!”
A shower of confetti rained down on the arena and after the show-closing promo finished, Big Rick placed the trophy down and meanmugged the camera while Ri-Khan, Rik and Little Ricky stood behind him with the nbW Dynasty Tag Titles in tow. 2017 was a strong year for Clan Strongbern indeed and if the start of 2018 was any indication, one would be hard-pressed to argue with Clan Strongbern!
Matches - Gorman, Seth, Keegan
A Very Drunk Tank Christmas - Johnny